“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver; the other is gold.”
This old adage has been taught to us since we were children. Although the message is positive, it is not true all the time, especially during the college years.
It’s necessary to have a support system during college, and students should try to find people they can relate to and grow close with. According to Goodwin University, “having valuable college friendships during your undergraduate or graduate career can also result in improved social life, a successful, satisfying education and sought-after career opportunities.”
In fact, some people might even meet their closest friends during their years at university. However, the atmosphere presented in college allows for many superficial and faulty friendships.
Chelsey Gonzalez, an English and philosophy senior, said the fast-paced environment of college makes it difficult to create meaningful friendships.
“It is extremely hard to make friends, especially genuine friends in college,” Gonzalez said. “It is hard to get to know someone when you don’t see them that often.”
This means students should not feel too disappointed if they eventually have to let some of their friends go. It might be a hard process, but students shouldn’t blame themselves because there are many reasons that friendships fade away. Sometimes, there might not even be a concrete reason as to why the friendship ended.
In college, it’s beneficial to have friends that serve some type of purpose. Yet, the unfortunate truth about these friendships is they often grow inorganically. It’s possible to hang out with these friends outside of class, but ultimately the relationship is often surface level.
A friendship might begin due to a shared class or group project, and if you need to get notes from someone, it’s quite easy to contact them. However, with Texas State being as large as it is, friends of convenience might never see each other again once the class or project is over.
The same sentiment goes for work friends. Some jobs, especially ones with intense group training and long hours, are perfect incubators for cultivating these fast and furious friendships that don’t have solid foundations.
This is not to say these friendships are destined for failure, but if the relationship is mostly based on proximity and ease, it probably won’t last when the main goal holding the two students together is accomplished.
Another reason college friendships might not experience the same longevity as other relationships is that college is an extreme period of growth for most students. Typically, this time in a student’s life involves a lot of self-discovery. According to PsychCentral, “intellectual and social stimulation from the college setting can mix with the normal developmental patterns of becoming an adult in American society to produce profound changes in young people.”
With constant change on the horizon in every student’s life, people who once were friends may find themselves no longer having anything in common. Although it is a sad fact, people grow apart, it’s a much faster process when personal development is expedited.
It might not even take four years for immense growth to occur. Perhaps at the beginning of a new semester, a student might find themselves feeling like a completely different person. Therefore, what once was a great connection might fizzle out after a few months.
Although the sad feeling of losing a friend in college might seem to last forever, it is because university years are such an intense time in a person’s life. Gonzalez said losing friends in college is so impactful because the security and reliability that comes with having friends are very important in these formative four years.
“Losing friends in college is hard because, in a time that is ever-changing for us, all we want is stability, and losing friends affects that tremendously,” Gonzalez said.
Overall, good friends will fight to stay in the lives of the people they care about. This means once the class is over or when the job is done, those worth having around will make the time to keep the friendship alive.
If this is not the case, then students shouldn’t feel bad because at least they had the study buddy, old roommate or coworker in their lives for some time, and the happiness and comfort this so-called “ex-friend” brought during that time was better than having never met them at all. Even if the friendship is no more, at least there is a fond memory.
– Madison Green is a psychology and advertising senior
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